8 Days No Headaches

No headache for the last 8 days. Not to say I did not have a few moments when going out and having one sounded real good to me.

My new Mantra is "Keep The Focus on Myself so I can Focus on my Future"

I've given away so much to drinking. I've given up a great deal of time that I spent on this earth.

I've gave up my financial security

I gave up my family and friends

I gave up my self respect and self worth.

Most importantly, I gave up my realtionship with God, Jesus Christ. That saddens  me so much how far away from him I moved

I've climbed out of the bottle now I want to embrace my life . To use the gifts that Gos has placed ion my life and to never ever forget again what I've been given and never throw it away just for a drink of poison

I can get so angry and sad but I have to move forward, and not let these feelings of regret over power me.

They can easliy do a number on me if I allow them.

My goal is  to live in love, peace and serenity

From Glass to Plastic

Every week when the sanitation department comes to pick up my garbage and recyclables, I usually winch as I hear all the bottles loading into their truck, as I'm quite sure my entire neighborhood hears them too .

What an awful sound that is all those bottles over filling one large receptacle clinking their way into the truck in those wee early hours of the morning. Smashing their way through the quietness of the morning as everyone sleeps so sound. I know they have to hear those bottles tumbling over one another and they have to know all the bottles belong to me, and that I drank them in a weeks time.

This morning was so nice, I switched my bottles for a healthier life style and all that was in my little recyclable bin were plastic yogurt  and cottage cheese cups.

What a quiet morning here on my block no cringing this morning, no worry about what the neighbors are hearing, no embarrassing as what the sanitation men think when they take the lid of my hidden secrets and pound them into their truck.

All was quiet, maybe the light sounds of plastic softly dropping in to the truck, I wouldn't know I over slept  I didn't hear a thing.

It is so much easier being sober .

Back to the rooms

Went back to the rooms yesterday and there is always one person who thinks of themselves and Mrs or Mr. Sobriety.


I was getting a ride home from a woman who I've met previously and she asked which meeting I was attending that evening. When I answered that I had other commitment that night, she answered me by asking if they  were more important than my sobriety?

This is who a new person can easily run from, this time of over demanding personality, and Yes, I caught a "resentment" But it is not stopping me in my quest for my future.

I have been in the rooms for many years, and have an over flowing tool box as they say, but I had decided to leave the tools in the basement and waste a few more years of my life by swimming in a bottle.

I know what I need to do to stay sober it's actually pretty easy.

"Don't drink no matter what"

I like going to the rooms for the social group therapy I receive from it, I like knowing others who no longer drink.

I have isolated for too long, and that is another part of me I want to change not to be so isolated.

I have a lot to offer and there are many who I can learn from as well.

So I am taking it one day at a time.

Yes I have had a major  relapse, but don't feel bad for me, I made it back I have two days now with out a drink there are many out there that are so drunk right now , so I am a one of the blessed, God got me out of my darkness and back in to the light

That First Drink

I was twelve, stole what I thought was a bottle of red wine from my Mom learning later that it was red vermouth.

That didn't stop me and a friend from drinking the whole thing and walking into the town of Manhasset NY, sporting our blue eye shadow and high heeled wedgie shoes. Falling to the ground drunk, rolling into bushes thinking it was the best thing since sliced white bread.
If I knew then what I know now, I wonder if it would have stopped me cold over 30 years ago, or would I have battled the bottle as I have for so many long years?

My Name is Cathie and I hate being an alcoholic, but that's what I am, and in all honesty it is better to be a recovering alcoholic than an active alcoholic.

My birth parents were products of addiction, booze, dope, sex, money, what ever could get them out of them selves and not get it together to raise a family.

They kept me until I was 9 months old. I was one of 12, my birth parents had 6 together, my birth mother had six other kids with other men, it still remains a mystery at this point if my Birth Father had kids with other woman, being the betting person that I am, I'd lay odds on it, and I feel there are many more of us there who were adopted.

I was adopted by my parents Len and Angels Schatzmann. My Mom from what I understand was married before she met my dad, her first husbands was some big shot detective in NYC was shot on duty and died under the care of a negligent surgeon. From there she dove into the bottle.

So, I was always left wondering if I was double whammied. Did I pick up my addiction and my additcive behavoirs from my birth parents, my adopted parents, or does it really matter where they come from as long as fix them, accept them and learn from them?